Capitolo 4: Letter four: The long way homeLettera quattro: La strada lunga verso casa

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To the friend I stopped calling:

You called on a Tuesday. I was in the middle of something. That was never true. I just did not want to hold the phone and be a person.

I said I would call back.

I did not, that week. Then not that month. Then it got long enough that calling back meant explaining the whole silence, and I did not have a reason, so I let it get longer. That is how it works. There is never a reason, and the not-reason becomes the reason.

I still take the long way home past your old street. Not to see you. The turn is automatic. My hands still know it.

I have typed the first line maybe forty times. "Hey, it has been a while." I delete it every time, because "a while" is doing a lot of work in that sentence.

Here is the real one: I was a bad friend, not a busy one. You would have forgiven busy.

Anyway. This is the version I sent to nobody.

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