Chapter 32: The Ash Solstice: Book 1 - The Sun Curdled

Part 5—The End:I can feel the seconds passing. He is just looking at me. Did I say too much? Something wrong?“I chose you, Kendra.”My heart just stopped—or maybe it is beating too fast. He said it with that confidence I keep seeing in his eyes. I look into his eyes, and he is looking right back. I don’t see any judgement. He is acknowledging me. “It doesn’t feel like the right choice because there wasn’t a right choice.” His voice is so steady. “But it was the one I made. And it’s the one I’d make again.” I can feel that knot in my chest again. He isn’t making me feel better. My dad is still gone. Leo is missing. We closed the grate, and they shut the Cathedral doors. Nothing has changed. Except... for the first time since the sky turned violet...Someone is finally admitting that saving me was never the right answer. Only... the answer he chose. He isn’t asking me to forgive myself. He isn’t even asking me to forgive him. Only to stop carrying what was never mine alone. “The guilt isn’t yours to bear.” His gaze never wavers. “It’s mine.”Maybe...This is why he has to leave. Not because he thinks he can undo what has happened. Because he can’t stop trying. “If helping the people out there is the best thing you can do...” The confidence I have seen the entire time fades away, and he looks almost sad. “...maybe you’ve already answered.”The words linger between us. I have a choice...“Just do me a favour.” His voice softens. “Don’t leave.”“...or let anyone else leave...”“...before I get back.”Before I can answer—He is moving. Not abruptly. Not dramatically.Simply...gone.One step.Another.Then another. After a short while, I realize I am still standing with my hand outstretched where he had been. My hand is still clenched, the feel of the fabric lingering in my fingers.I hear a child crying. One of the volunteers I had spoken to earlier adjusts the straps of an overstuffed pack. I glance back to where Vespar disappeared.I thought I was waiting for him to come back....Maybe...I was waiting to discover what I would say when he did.Nothing to be done.